Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Still dying that you shit outside
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
