he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
