: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
