What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
