Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
bring money and cleavage
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
