AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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