I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
