Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
