i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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