So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
