After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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