Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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