Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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