i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
