i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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