you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
