the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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