So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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