is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
