she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
