I am spending my child support on dildos
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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