I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
