you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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