I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
