Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
