I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
