well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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