Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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