Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
