Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
