This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
