i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
