Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So much rum. So many feels.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
