You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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