Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
