how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
