now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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