I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
