Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am naked and annoyed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
