Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
