do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
