I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
