Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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