When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
