Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
