Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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