i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
how does that bad decision feel?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
