And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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