When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
