doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
