Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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