There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
