Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
