wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
