My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
